She loves to laugh...

If you know her, she is one of the most beautiful women in your life. She smiles all the time and she loves to laugh. She'll tell you she isn't the witty one, she's the one who laughs and enjoys it more than anyone I know. That is a gift in itself; witty people appreciate those who enjoy their craft. I know that's something dad enjoys about her so much, and vice-versa. When asked how their marriage has endured for 50 years, she's quick to tell you, "Every day he shows me how much he loves me, and every day he makes me laugh."

There are few things in this life she doesn't enjoy; she is an optimist and can find the silver lining to the darkest cloud. Of all the things she loves, however, two things are held more dearly: Flowers and food. She is God's most ardent fan of anything that grows. Her gardens are a place where no volunteering plant is plucked out. Somehow there is room for all-- the more the merrier! She loves the colors and design, from the smallest forget-me-not to the flowering dogwood tree, no blossom goes unnoticed or unapplauded. The saying goes, "Earth laughs in flowers", and as I've said, mom loves a good laugh.

Perhaps it comes from her Norwegian roots, but her love of food is a joy to behold. Her mom, my Gramma, was the same way. Loved to cook for everyone-- food was a gift of love offered to those at her table. And no matter how humble the gift, it was presented with careful beauty and a sweetness of spirit. My mom offers food in the same manner. You have to look carefully--both women being terribly modest about the food being offered--but the oohs and ahhs and smiles of those around the table bring a great measure of joy to the giver.

I love to watch my mom in front of the bakery case. Her eyes light up at the sweet delights lined up like little flowers. She makes no effort to hide her excitement about maple bars and cream cheese danish, or even the lowly cake donut. She appreciates each one and is eager to make sure everyone else gets one too, and oooh, can she have a little bite please? Memories of hot fudge sundaes at Herfy's after church are as vivid now as 40 years ago. Every bite seemed to produce an exclamation of appreciation, "Mmmm, oooh! yumm!" And those are the same praises she brings to every food she so enjoys.

Bring her flowers, and she buries her face in them, drawing deeply for their scent. Bring her a pastry and her eyes light up and she bites in with gusto, relishing the experience... even now. Even now, when those two loves of her life have been taken from her in a sense, literally in a sense. Her sense of smell and her sense of taste have left her. The doctors speculate that it has to do with the perisistent migraines she's suffered with over the past several years, but nothing seems to bring them back. It seems so cruel, really. She puts her nose to the blossoms and closes her eyes, waiting for the aroma that never comes to her. I think the only thing that could be worse is if she lost her sight as well and could not enjoy their color and beauty.

Last summer when the family was here on the island my dad made one of his amazing grilled salmon dinners. We were enjoying the bounty of the Northwest-- fish, sweet corn, fresh vegetables-- and my mom made the comment she always does, "The salmon is wonderful, Monte!" and we all heartily agreed, adding our own praises from mouths stuffed with food. But in that moment as I listened to her and thought, 'but she can't taste anything!' I realized it wasn't about what she could taste. It wasn't even about the habit of manners, which certainly we all fall back on when enjoying a meal together. It was about memory. It was about the joy that grilled salmon brings to our family, and the taste of it that has a place in her memory. As I'm writing this I can close my eyes and think of how that salmon tasted. Well, mom does the same thing, but she does it for everything she eats and drinks. She still loves her coffee-- pour her a cup and she will take a sip and say, "Mmm, good coffee!" Maybe the silver lining to this cloud of hers is that she remembers how good things tasted and is thankful for the memory of them. The sweetness in it is that she still gives thanks for something that she can't taste or smell.

But then, if you know her, it's no surprise at all... her life is about praising.

And she does it so well.

Home again, home again

I recently moved into my parent's house while it is on the market.

Because it sat empty for a few months, it's easier to move my own things in and not feel the twinge of despair quite as acutely. I miss them. It's a house that has been mine as well as theirs, as well as all of ours, for twenty years.

I put my kitchen utensils in the same place mom had hers... why improve on perfection? The cupboards are strangely uncluttered; I don't have a lot to fill them and I'm quite happy with that! I am still awed by the view every morning when I come out to turn the coffee maker on. Natalie still thinks Gramma is going to be here with open arms every time we turn in the driveway...

It's wonderful to be here; it's bittersweet, evoking memories and smiles and then the occasional surprise when I return home to find that I'm the only one who lives here.

I filled the feeders and raked out the gardens. I'm watching the snowdrops poke up and look for sun. I put a spanking new American flag in the stand on the deck. Some things are requisite here, flags and feeders being two of them. It's a lovely respite, this time here. I do not know what my future holds, but I am enjoying contentedness in ways I have not previously known and the wonder of that is equal to the wonder of the snowdrops poking through sodden soil, harbingers of a brighter day coming.

Lent is coming. My favorite church season. Ash Wednesday begins the forty days leading to Easter. If you haven't observed Lent in a while, the Upper Room is an excellent online resource. There is a daily study or check out the bookstore for study guides and devotionals on the Lenten practices. If you come from a non-denominational background, it is a deeply personal experience to bring the liturgical practices of the traditional holy days into your spiritual life.

A church readerboard in Freeland reads, "Hope Springs Eternal!" I want to sneak over in the dead of night sometime and rearrange it to read, "Spring's Hope Eternal!"

It's just around the corner, really...

It's a New Year... again.

Sorry I don't keep up on the blog so well anymore! I'm on facebook.com much more frequently and forget that there are some of you who just aren't there!

So Christmas is a sweet memory now and even the New Year is a week old! We had a lovely deluge of snow for two weeks, and while it was fun to have a very white Christmas, it was nicer when it went away. This part of the world just isn't prepared for below-zero temperatures and treacherous streets!

I'm currently finishing up my third block of classes online, but after finals this month I believe I will switch to a local college. It's cheaper and I miss the actual classroom setting. I love school, and am particularly happy with maintaining a 4.0 GPA! I'm Real Smart. Even if I am Real Old.

Real Old people still run marathons too, and I'm signed up to race in the PFChang 13.2 mile Rock 'n Roll 1/2 marathon in Phoenix on the 18th!! My folks are down there now, so I'll also be able to visit them as well. Emily is coming, as well as my new man. We're all looking forward to a little warmth and sunshine!

My new man is named Don. I met him over a year ago as a customer. He was always so kind and friendly. When I decided to date someone new he was the one I knew I'd like to get to know better. He treats me like a princess and is quite possibly the nicest man I've ever met. We hang out all the time and enjoy all the same things. We both consider ourselves pretty blessed to have found each other... and my folks like him! Natalie Spangler likes him too... he spoils her.

On the knitting side of things, well, I am almost done with a cardigan I started 15 months ago... that's not bad, considering what those fifteen months have been like! Once I set the sleeves in it will be good to go! I'm also finishing up a very darling vest for Michaiah! It was supposed to be for Christmas, but the small detail of the little guy not having a matching Christmas stocking preempted any other gifts on the sticks... the stocking was sent out "tout de suite" (impressive, no?) If you're curious, here's the treasure:

Sorry... you'll have to turn your head... oops! Anyway, it impressively is constructed using the same fabrics as his Daddy's stocking from 1991. Who says a fabric stash can't have redeeming values!?

That's about all there is to tell on this end! Oh, wait! I'm moving at the end of the month-- Dad and Mom's house is still empty and my lease is up... I'm going to "live lightly" in their house here on the island until it sells... or something else comes up...

Emily, Natalie, and I wish you a very happy new year... lots of good things coming up this year, September in particular! We'll keep you posted!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...

... Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things...

The Sound of Music came out in 1959-- the year before I was born. Julie Andrews was an incurably darling, ever youthful, squeaky clean icon of my youth. I know you want to hear the rest of the song. Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_4SgRXZlAk&eurl=http://www.allmusicals.com/lyrics/soundofmusicthe/myfavoritethings.htm

Betcha can't resist.

Were you singing along? Hmmm?

So I was thinking of things I love, my 'favorite things'...

• Big wood fires that crackle and make the house smell good
• Whipping cream on a cup of hot chocolate
• Real butter smeared on warm bread
• Finding money in the pocket of something I haven't worn in a while
• the first taste of coffee in the morning
• the Christmas shows that you only see once a year: Charlie Brown Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story...
• Hot toddies
• Really good hugs
• Smiles
• Yarn shops
• Candles on the mantle surrounded by fresh greens
• Cake doughnuts
• the moment someone catches on to knitting-- and loves it!
• Remembering when I was small
• Making my mom laugh
• Lavender anything
• Sleeping in
• Running far and long and feeling good afterward
• Clean windows
• Dirty martinis
• Finishing a project
• Hugs from Shea
• Text messages from Dianna
• Calls from Emily
• Spa treatments
• Starbucks... mmm....
• that perfect green
• Finding sea glass
• Kisses
• Balancing my checkbook to the penny
• Diamond jewelry
• Wearing my tiara just for the heck of it
• Lent
• Dinner in the crockpot so the house smells like supper
• Singing "O Sacred Head Now Wounded", a capella, by myself!
• Remembering Beanie Guy's little face when the doctor put him on my tummy

I guess there are a million other things... twinkle lights on trees, Drumstick ice cream bars, red cardinals on white snow, baby teeth the tooth fairy saved... red flyer wagons...Blue Moon with an orange... finding a secret present hidden on the tree after everything else has been cleared away...

Okay, I'll stop for now.

What are your favorite things?

Knitta, puhleeeze!

Man, today was good. I got to teach my friend Amy how to knit.

She's got no previous yarn experience, so she was a clean slate and so excited about it. I let her knit a few rows to get her 'on the sticks', then put her on circulars to make a baby hat so she can play around with decreases and double-points.

Good times.

She's beside herself with excitement. I miss that so much. I miss teaching knitting. I miss Unwind. I miss giving someone a gift that changes their lives rather than just bagging their groceries.

Sigh.

I will have to look for more opportunities to do this. Yarn is plentiful here on South Whidbey, but knitters are not a visible group.

I miss teaching kids, especially.

There's a fire in my woodstove today, cider in the pot, and celtic music filling the rooms with the sweet and sad tunes of fall.

Hope your day offers something to treasure...

The Frost is on the Pumpkin and all that jazz...

So you'd think I'd at least blog after my great trip to New Jersey for the Little Guy's first birthday! Here I've been home a month and there's nothin'! What kind of Grammy am I?
Shame on me!

So here's a picture of my grandson, Michaiah...

He's the best little guy in the world. (In the world!) He makes Grammy smile and smile, just like his daddy used to do. It's a wonderful feeling to know that the best grandbaby in the world is being raised by the best kids in the world. (In the world!)

Since I've been home I've been busy with school, work, and helping my folks move to Arizona. School is fun, but it's different online. Maybe when I'm done with this part of my degree I can get into a traditional classroom setting for the next part. I miss the interaction with the instructor-- plus the suck-up factor-- I've always scored big on the 'teacher's pet' thing.


Work is work. A constant pendulum swinging between great and wonderful customers and really crappy people who are mean. I have been feeling more positive lately about my job, however, and try to make my customer's time an unexpected delight while they're with me. I'm like a mini comedy club... or a speed dating segment... or the smiling clerk you never expect to find anymore. Most days are pretty darn good. And when they're not, there's donuts right there to make it all better. Mmmmm. Donuts.


As far as my parent's moving to Arizona... well, that's been a tough one. Hard goodbyes, although, as my dad always says, there's no 'goodbyes', just 'see you soon', and that is the best way to look at it. Of course, I was the one left waving from the driveway as the U-Haul drove off, so it seemed pretty much like a goodbye to me! Lots of teary hugs and last minute words of love and thanks. I have the best family in the world (in the world!) because we never leave anything unsaid. When the day comes that one of us is gone, no one will regret what wasn't said... it's always been said, and said eye to eye with plenty of hugs and smiles through tears.

Here's my mom, loading up her van with the pots of flowers she took with her to Arizona. I love that wherever she is, there are flowers. The earth laughs in flowers, and my mom loves a good laugh.


This past year has been the hardest year of my life. I found a notebook I was quasi-journaling in a year ago; I had forced myself to make a list of the good things in my life, since the bad things were bigger and scarier than what I could bear. There were simple things like having a job, having Natalie Spangler, having good kids... and the last entry was, simply, "in 12 months this will all be better".

And it is. And it only took eleven months.
I have much to be thankful for.
If you're reading this blog, I'm thankful for you!

Oh, and as a closing thought about Natalie Spangler, she and I went to the Pumpkin farm yesterday to get some fall cheer. She rode in the wagon and was rather nattily attired in her green scarf, much to the delight of everyone who saw her. We brought home pumpkins galore and made the house look like fall. I love fall! Maybe because my birthday is just NINE days away (hint hint). Or maybe because everything good always comes with fall: pumpkins and pies and orange leaves and candy corn and warm fires and new notebooks for school and flannel sheets...

Enjoy.

Mom, Interrupted

I don't know if anyone really reads these posts. After all, I don't talk to anyone anymore and I wouldn't blame them for not caring to keep up with my goings on. I'm not trying to be a hermit, it's not my intention to have alienated myself from my old life, it's just what happened on the way to where I find myself today.

I still work at the grocery store, but I like it less and less. I do have to say that being a cashier is much less pathetic if you can say you're doing it to work your way through college, so I'm taking full time online classes to get my associate's degree, and then I will work on my bachelor's degree in psychology. I had a Christian therapist once who was so much more helpful because of his Christian worldview. I'd like to be that same person in the lives of others who are hurting.

I also clean houses on the side, and have a Saturday morning job working at the local farmer's market. It's getting my little woman through college, at least for now! I'm moving soon, to cheaper digs, and that will be helpful.

The highlight of my summer has been having all the kids home last month. Emily flew in from Costa Rica, on her way back to Kona to finish her last year there. Micaiah and his parents flew over from New Jersey to meet all his west-coast family. It was a wonderful week, and of course it went far too quickly. Next month I'm flying out to celebrate Micaiah's first birthday!! Just seems like yesterday I was flying out to meet him for the first time. He's a treasure. The happiest baby ever. I mean EVER. All smiles, all the time. Nice.

So that's what I'm up to. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. But it's a season. I hope next season will be a bit more restful, but these seasons aren't like the real ones where you know what's coming next. These are more like ones you put in a hat and hope to draw out the better one next time.

It's my life, just not like any life I've ever known.