The God Search

I've recently been on a reading binge. As this is a luxury I've not enjoyed in quite some time, I've chosen my materials carefully. As I've been in a spiritual funk for several years now, I've chosen to branch out and taste bits and pieces of others' experiences.

The first title that caught my eye was Fleeing Fundamentalism: A Minister's Wife Examines Faith by Carlene Cross. The first part of the book excellently portrayed being a part of the evangelical movement in the late 70's and early 80's. Her life very nearly mirrors my own during that time as she immersed herself in fundamental Christianity, living with the fear and awe that we were in the End Times. I found her honesty and humor to be engaging. I felt a camaraderie in the fact that after doing everything "right" she also lost her Perfect Christian Husband to debauchery and sin. It's not a book I'd recommend, it delved into some pretty sad stuff and she ended up leaving her faith completely in the end, but it was a refresher course for me on the foundations of my faith and how the early evangelical movement shaped and formed my thinking at such an impressionable time.

In Confessions of an Amateur Believer by Patty Kirk I found a refreshingly edgy memoir about Christian living. We're all amateurs at faith, and while I wasn't looking for justification for my struggles, it was comforting to read such an honest portrayal of someone elses'. I would heartily recommend this book. Each short chapter winsomely presents the author's crisis of faith in some area of real life. It doesn't preach, it simply gives some much needed insight into God's patience with us as his children.

Finally, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesian by Elizabeth Gilbert is the book I'm devouring at the moment. Go to the link, she's more than I can find words for. She's given me more to think about in the first 58 pages than any other book on faith. Her soul searching is in every way what I want my own to be...

Which is really what it comes down to: permission for my soul to search. There is so much from my early years in fundamentalism that tells me I have no right to search. That I must, instead, just believe without question. It's spiritual baggage, actually. You know how as adults we come to crisis points in our lives and look back and realize that we've been dragging stuff around that we never asked to have strapped to us? Well, in a sense that's where I am spiritually. I'm examining what I believe and why I believe it and is it authentic or is it something that was foisted upon me in the early years of faith and somehow it has blinded me to who God truly is?

I will keep you updated on the journey. I realize in my anger and frustration with Everything I Knew To Be True, I tossed God out with the bathwater. He's not One who likes to be tossed, but he's been patiently waiting for me to hand Him a towel and get back to the business of faith. I will see how that goes.