The Perfect Host

On Sundays I attend a very sweet little church here on the Island called St. Augustine's In The Woods. When the kids lived at home we always attended non-denominational churches, probably because I was raised Lutheran and stumbled into young adulthood knowing nothing about God or Christ because of it. I wanted something more stimulating for our family. The non-denominational churches we attended in Hawaii, Illinois, and Texas were places we could really learn about God and feel nourished, as well as find community and support for our homeschooling family. It was a good fit at the time.

When it came time to look for my own church, however, I suddenly found I didn't want the emotion and commotion that accompanies the 'Spirit-filled' churches. I wanted quiet. I wanted to meet God privately and with reverence. I don't have anything against those churches, it was just a matter of coming back to God in a quiet way-- one that didn't require even speaking to anyone else if I didn't want to. I get a bit nervous even now at the point in the Episcopal service where they turn to each other and 'share the Peace of the Lord'.

The rest of the service, however, is completely non-confrontational... some would say it's boring, that liturgical services are a cop-out, that hymns are hardly a form of praise. I know this, because I used to feel the same way.

One day it occurred to me that sometimes your heart isn't engaged in church. In fact, it's very often not engaged! But the beauty of the Episcopal church is the liturgy. There in the Book of Common Prayer are the words all laid out for you. Sure, anyone can dully follow along, mouthing the words and never letting them touch the heart. But if you ask God to stir your heart toward Him as you read, you begin to feel something in the words, and suddenly your eyes well up and your heart expands and you say, Yes! I do believe this! My heart does want this! A Holy God is indeed in our midst! And you might have missed the whole thing if you hadn't purposed to find God there. Not that you can't purpose to find God in a charismatic type church, it's just that everything there comes at you like a show sometimes, like entertainment. Slide shows and dramas and music and surprises... Again, it's a great ministry, but at this time in my life I really, truly just want to be alone with God and with my sins and with the beauty of silence and the comfort of repetition and with the sweet fragrance of forgiveness at the end of each service.

Every week, having confessed our sins and actually knelt before God in humble thanksgiving, we partake of Communion. It's a beautiful ceremony in which the presiding minister--who is appropriately referred to as the Celebrant!--sings the liturgy, and the congregation responds in song. He then lifts the plate of bread and the chalice of wine up to God and proclaims, "the Gifts of God for the people of God. Holy Gifts for a holy people", and then we come to the front and kneel below the beautiful alter and cross. The bread is given with the words "The Body of Christ, the bread of Heaven". Then the chalice is brought to each one, with these words, "the Blood of Christ, the cup of salvation". And you partake of these, which are not only the the mystery of universe, but also the most beautiful gift ever given.

It's a very deliberate and moving service. I rarely miss a Sunday.

Today the wine was in a hammered silver chalice. Some weeks it's in an earthy blue pottery chalice. Likewise, the bread varies from week to week. I'm not sure why... I guess I'll have to visit my rector and ask the hard questions. Today the bread was chewy and yeasty, yet looked unleavened. I thought that it was just like Jesus to be sweet, yet substantial, and with the promise of rising again! One week it was a rustic loaf, and again I thought it appropos as Jesus was rather rough and wheaty and an artisan himself. Of course some weeks it is the little white wafer that is something like a cross between compressed fish food and Necco candies. But is it not true that sometimes we look at Christ and see him as a mystery that is undefineable? I have to give the Eucharist committee high marks for being spot-on when it comes to representing Jesus at the communion rail!

So those are my thoughts today. I love this little church. I have a permanent name tag now, just like the members, so I'm really out there! Wow! Next week I'll make my way to the coffee hour after service and rub elbows with the life-long members. I think they'll be happy to see me. I'm planning on helping with Vacation Bible school this summer. The blessing of being with children again would be so welcome...